[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Okay, so you don't have
ANYTHING, do you?
I'll be blunt: you're not selling me
on the "Wait Here" plan.
I'd say that I'd think that this is
going to get worse before it gets better,
but really, I think this is just
going to get worse forever.
So, in other words, I think it's going
to get worse before it gets worse.
If you bet on that, I think
it's pretty safe money.
Hey, there's nothing here, man!
Except for the tripmine...
But, y'know, if you don't bother
them, they don't bother you.
Hey, you said take ONE LOOK
out this door, and now...
He's just trying to trick me.
I should've just shot him.
Well, he'll be dead soon enough anyway.
He's the man with the plan
and no food or water.
Why did they put mines near the ceiling?
Well, anyway, the "Wait Here"
plan only takes you so far.
In fact, it doesn't take you anywhere.
It might've been a good plan yesterday.
Did somebody shoot him in the back?
Okay, another one of you--
okay, stay still.
Don't move-- no, don't do that--
see, you shouldn't--
DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!
If you don't teach them,
they'll never learn!
God, that thing almost tripped the laser.
Why are there so many lasers here?
I feel like I'm trying to steal a diamond.
Wait, are there diamonds here?
That would turn my day right around.
WHOA! Whoa... Not that way.
That way's a shortcut
to a place I don't want to go.
Yeah, that's really all I have
to say on the matter.
Oh, wait, I've been here before.
This is the door by the
mines and the... pain...
Jesus! There's rockets in here.
I wonder they're just the chassis or if
they're totally fueled up next to these mines.
Hell, knowing us, they're fueled up
and the warheads are still active.
And we have extra fuel barrels just in case.
Yeah, wow, look. They just slapped
the mines on everything in sight.
A loose crate, add a mine.
Some metal railing, add a mine.
A mop handle, add a mine.
This room confirms every single thing
I've suspected about the soldiers.
This is their grand strategy
at work, right here.
Just slapped easily triggered
mines on everything in a room
that could wipe out half the facility
if there was a chain reaction.
Oh, and leave some aliens hopping
around in it higgledy-piggledy, too.
Yeah, there are NO surprises here.
Just blow up everything in sight.
Don't worry about how we do
missile research here.
Now, why is THIS guy smoking?
I should give the soldiers THAT much credit.
It has holes in it like spikes
are gonna come out of it.
And it has yellow/black caution lines.
Why would me make something like this?
Wait, what am I saying? That's the
wrong question to be asking in this place.
Although, it leaves me damned curious what
you would tell other people that it's for.
I mean it shoots spikes up
out of the ground.
Do we use it to kill cattle?
But, yeah, are they actually
going to kill a cow with that?
That's crazy! It would hit its legs
first and could easily miss its brain.
It would just make horrible noises
and be in as much pain as possible.
Okay, so I guess that's why we made it.
Why did they need this to lift
into the computer room?
And where are the spikes?
Are they on a time-delay?
Maybe the spikes haven't
been installed yet.
I wonder if I can just position one of
these missiles and ride it out of here.
Nah, I would die on impact.
Guess it's time to check out
what the seizure button does...
Wait a minute, that guy saw all these
mines but he's just hiding in the next room?
Why would anyone think that?
He should be running from
here as far as he can!
Well, it's evil, I know that much, so...
So, did I kill it? Or do I need
to take this up a notch?
He ran right in front of my sh--
See, this is why I don't have friends!
All they ever do is run around screaming
causing problems for everyone,
until somebody tries to kill them.
Friends are like weeds that scream.
Tell me the keys are in here.
Tell me the keys are in the ignition!
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME!
My lack of preparedness is
biting me in the ass AGAIN!
I've always meant to learn
how to hotwire a car.
I never got around to doing it--that crap is
all on the Internet now--there's NO excuse.
And let's face it, this is not a
Porsche with a laser-cut key.
Ah, hell with it. It didn't have
a steering wheel anyway.
Maybe I should shoot the
tires just out of spite.
[turret firing]
[screaming]
[turret beeping]
MILITARY CAR ALARM!
Now, I'm even more pissed about not
being able to hotwire this truck!
It had a turret-gun ready
to fire in the back.
That's WAY better than those beeping
noises dump trucks make when they back up.
Okay, I don't see anyone,
but I'm expecting people dressed
up in full concrete camouflage
laid flush against the wall.
I mean, there were fucking ninjas
here last night, weren't there?
Of course, now that it's
daytime, they've all disappeared.
NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!
This was NOT part of the plan!
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!
Okay, I know what time it is.
Because it's clearly rocket launcher time.
Mr. Dead-to-Rights, the tank operator,
doesn't seem to operate in my time zone.
His clock says it's time
to turn me into red paste.
Okay, time to reflect on
my life choices again.
That tank totally just shot and killed one
of his soldier buddies without hesitation.
Almost killed the other one.
Man, I'm NEVER joining the military.